I’ve been a born-again Christian since I was a little kid.
I was raised on VeggieTales, Joyce Meyer’s teaching tapes and videos (Mom really likes her, so I’ve known about her ministry for many years), and many other Christian influences. It wasn’t until this year, though, that I really started trying to get to know God. As a teen, I was pretty good about minding my Ps and Qs, being kind to others, and I went to Youth Group and Bible study every week. That was all fine and dandy until I was about seventeen. That was the year I did not follow God at all. That was the year my story really started.
Around age seventeen, I grew very bored of my state of being. Grade twelve was not a good school year, and I even broke up with my boyfriend at that time, a new Christian nonetheless, for various reasons: one of them being the long distance that I resented, but the biggest reason was that I had met someone else who was much more charming, more attractive, and was actually very interested in me. To this day, I do not regret the decision one bit, because of how everything has turned out for me since I turned back to God. However, there are a couple of things I could have done without.
I didn’t know about my new boyfriend’s rebellious spirit, his do-what-I-want attitude, and some of the choices he had made in his past until well after I started dating him. He made a really bad impression on my family at first, and for a while, I was not allowed to even see him. My chat conversations with him on Facebook were snooped through by a family member, and that got me into more trouble. But I really liked him, and he liked me too! What was I going to do?
Blatantly disobeying my parents was my solution. I finally had a vehicle. I went to his house every day: after school, before work, and when school ended and exam week started, I would leave for “school” for a test (even though I completed my exams during the first three days of exam week). I turned my phone off, or left it at home, so that nobody from my family could contact me. I even stayed the nights with him, which angered my parents a lot! There was a lot of stress going on at home, and I just wanted to escape. I could have chosen to behave properly, but I didn’t.
If my parents asked where I was going, I would lie. If they asked who I was talking with on the phone, I’d lie again. When I came home high as a kite and they asked me what I was doing, I lied even more! Soon, I began lying about things that would never have gotten me in trouble in the first place! My parents were already having marriage problems, and I just made things worse with my behaviour. To this day, I still wonder if I was the “last straw” that made them break up. Seriously, this is painful to even write about. Mom finally told me that she didn’t know me any more. My siblings stayed away from me, condemned my actions, and made it very clear that I was no longer in their favour. I wanted to do better, but I was possessed by a spirit of rebellion, and I had long since hidden myself from God (which is useless, because God is everywhere). I rejected Christianity and everything about it, and I didn’t know why. Thankfully, that was only for a few months.
When I finally felt the weight of conviction for my ways, I had already moved out and was living with my boyfriend. I had just turned eighteen at the time, and my parents could no longer do anything to stop me. I didn’t talk to any of my family for nearly a month. I argued with my mom through Facebook chat for a while, and after that, total silence. I quit my job at the grocery store, and started working at the town office, which I knew in my heart was not what I was meant to do. The first few weeks I was moved out of my parents’ house, I had a lot of time to cool down and rethink my actions. I was an adult now, and my parents could no longer control what I did. That meant I could stop lying about what I was doing. Eventually, it became easier for me to tell the truth, but it was a process. Once I was able to stop lying about everything, I noticed my family began to trust me again. I made sure never to talk about my boyfriend when I would come home to visit, and I wouldn’t even dream of bringing him out there with me. How different things are now!
I got fired from the town office after two months. I wasn’t suited for the job, since it was a lot of office work, spreadsheets, boring shit like that. It didn’t match my interests or my talents, and I had applied for the job just so I had a reason to quit at the grocery store. I was upset, mainly because I liked the huge paychecks, but also because I felt so incredibly stupid and embarrassed that I had been fired from a job that was supposed to be easy. That was a sign that I needed to turn back to God, because even though I thought I would have my future under control, I couldn’t do anything without Him. Depression set in once again (I have struggled with anxiety and depression since I was ten years old, and my last episode had been when I was fourteen), and pretty soon, I felt totally numb and hopeless about everything. I began to have strife with my boyfriend, and things were not going well.
So I decided to tell God I was sorry, and that we should start things over again. Shortly after that, I got a job at Smitty’s Family Restaraunt, where I worked for eight months. It was actually one of the best decisions I could have made. During those eight months, I began to pray more often. I would thank God for all the good improvements in my life, and that my relationship with my parents, even though they had separated shortly after I moved out, was okay again. One day out of the blue, my Dad decided to see my boyfriend at work, and apologized to him for how my family had acted towards him. My boyfriend, in turn, apologized for making a bad impression, and for being disrespectful towards my family. The strife with my boyfriend was lifted!
After I turned back to God, a lot of nice changes happened to my boyfriend. His rebellious attitude had slowly faded away, and his harsh words and bad choices had ceased. He is not perfect, but I could not be more proud of him. My parents agree. They decided to let go of our past, and now they like him very much! My siblings are okay with him too now, I think. Heck, even my grandma is okay with him, and she disliked him the worst at one point! My depression issues lasted until I had started seeing a therapist, and it took a few months before I finally got it under control once again. I still have issues with sin, depression, and bad choices once in a while, but I have realized that it is a part of living, whether you’re Christian or not. The difference is, now I can turn to God and ask his forgiveness, and I am learning all kinds of neat things about spiritual maturity. I still have a ways to go, since it’s a lifelong process, but I’m optimistic.
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